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50+ Funny Jokes For Kids
- What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
- How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
- What’s white and ruins your dinner?
- What’s red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
- How do you turn a soup to gold?
Add 24 carrots.
- What looks like a tree, and has wheels?
A tree, I lied about the wheels.
- What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing, they were strangers who didn’t know each other.
- What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
- Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
- Why were there more birds flying on one side of the V formation than the other? Because the other side had fewer birds.
- Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
- What did the doctor say when she lost her scalpel?
I’ve lost my scalpel.
- How do you make a lemon drop?
Let go of it.
- A proton, an electron, and an ion went into a restaurant.
But nobody noticed because all three are microscopic.
- What’s brown and sticky?
- Why didn’t the dinosaur eat the baby?
Because dinosaurs became extinct before humans existed.
- What’s red and bad for your teeth?
- What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
- What does the irate Spanish tourist say to the steward on their plane?
I don’t know. I don’t speak Spanish.
- A man walks into a bar with a gorilla.
The barman asks him to leave because they serve food and are not legally allowed to have animals in the establishment.
- Why do scuba divers fall backward off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
- What do you call a fly with no wings?
- Where do frogs keep their money?
In a riverbank.
- Why can’t a pig keep a secret?
Because they always end up squealing.
- What did Tarzan say when he saw the herd of hippos?
Look, a herd of hippos.
- Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
- What do you call a cow with no eyes?
A cow, the absence of eyes does not change the fact that it is a cow.
- How long is a football field?
Half the length of two football fields.
- What kind of tree can you hold in your hand?
A small one.
- Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they’re dead.
- What’s yellow and something you shouldn’t drink?
A school bus.
- Why did the dog vomit on the bed?
Because it was sick.
- What did the policeman say when the criminal got away?
That criminal got away.
- Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
Because after you have found it, there would be no point in continuing to look for it.
- What do you call a droid that goes the long way round?
- How much do piercings cost pirates?
A buck n ear.
- Why is a squirrel like a cup of coffee?
Neither has a headphone jack.
- How do bees get to school?
By school buzz.
- What do you do if a teacher rolls her eyes at you?
Pick them up and roll them back.
- Why did the teacher draw on the window?
Because they wanted the lesson to be very clear.
- What happened when the teacher tied every kids’ shoelaces together?
They had a class trip.
- Why did the Cyclops close his school?
Because he only had one pupil.
- When is a blue school book not a blue school book?
When it is read.
- What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?
- Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?
Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
- Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?
Pupil: I used his pen.
- A boy was told to write a 100-word essay.
He thought for a bit then wrote: ‘I went out to call my cat in for the night, so I called ‘kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty…’
- Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle.
- Pupil: I don’t think I deserved zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but that’s the lowest mark I could give you.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
- What do you call an exploding monkey?